Apology and forgiveness have no place here

Thanksgivings for my family often meant trips to grandparents, not much extended family, mostly smallish gatherings. No drama, not a big deal, lots of food and plenty of football, both inside and outside. And since we visited grandparents regularly, it wasn’t really different than many other days.

Of course, after my mom died, these holidays became stilted and more than somewhat empty. My dad sort of going through the motions. Everything a slightly out-of-focus color snapshot of something akin  to watching someone else’s family on a cable-access TV show. Detached and unflinching.

One particularly memorable holiday occasion had me sitting at the counter with my dad at the Kingston Diner. Turkey dinner with all the works. The waitress had to leave her crossword puzzle book to wait on us. The diner was as empty as we felt; I think it was the first Thanksgiving that we were alone for the day. There were faintly twinkling Christmas lights hung up around the place, which I don't think had ever seen better days. This was it. "Rocking Around the Christmas Tree" was softly playing on WILK on the old transistor next to the cash register.

My dad smiled weakly at the waitress, who, in turn, weakly returned the favor as she came back several times to refill his coffee. No much was said; I think I commented how good everything was, even though it was surely out of a can. My dad paid the bill and we got into his Buick and drove off to someplace I can't remember, as we searched for the thing that could never be found.

Now the Kingston Diner is gone, my dad is gone, but the memories of that particular Thanksgiving remain, and there is no nostalgia involved. But it is good to remember these things, as they have a way of putting the good times into more perspective. And it is important to note that not all subsequent Thanksgiving celebrations felt as desolate as this particular one.

Ray Davies, the quintessential British songwriter, took on the quintessential American holiday, and captured the love, longing, isolation and uniqueness of the annual occasion. Putting things into perspective, as it were.

The choruses of “it’s all over” followed by “come on over” are heartfelt and poignant, and then the last verse brings home, literally and figuratively, the joy and importance of family.

For me, there are many, many things to be thankful for: friends, my job, my health, and in particular, Jack and Ruby.

Happy Thanksgiving.