Lost in the darkness of our love

Ruby attended her first in a theater movie this past weekend -- "Cars 2." And despite the aural onslaught, she actually made it all the way through. She liked it, Jack loved it, and dad thought it was a lot of cacophony and clever computer animation that covered up for the lack of a real movie with substance.

But, good Lord, today's "theater experience," with overwhelming noise levels that rattle brains and shake bones, is somewhat nauseating and makes nearly every trip to the movies an endurance test for me. And that's why I don't go anymore, except with my kids on a rare occasion.

I remember the first movie I saw that had speakers all around the theater -- "Earthquake" -- was in mind-blowing Sensurround in the mid-70s. I guess that sort of made sense: you were supposed to have the sensation of actually being in the middle of an earthquake. But even that wasn't as loud and off-putting as sitting in a theater today. And "Cars 2" is a kid's movie. Imagine what it sounds like at one of the adult summer blockbusters, and imagine is what I will have to do as I would never ever spend $10 to have my senses bludgeoned for over two hours; real life does that enough to me on a daily basis.

Another issue is the level of crude behavior for a supposed children's movie. The trailer for the upcoming Muppets feature actually had Gonzo wearing farting shoes. Really? The new Jim Henson-less movie is a Disney affair, which apparently gives it license to be "edgy." I realize that I am in the minority and sounding curmudgeonly, but is there really a need for any gross behavior, no matter how minor, in a Muppets movie? I have enough problems keeping an 8-year-old boy from making his own burping and farting jokes without any encouragement from outside forces.

The true highlight of the 4th of July consisted of an elaborate fireworks display that was hailin' in our backyard, courtesy of a $5 collection of sparklers and tame shower-inducing mini-fireworks from Food Lion. No explosions, a few bright, shimmering lights, and a very happy Jack.

Ruby, apparently still exhausted from her cinematic overload the previous night, fell asleep and missed it all.

There's always next year.