And them tin cans are explodin' out of the 90-degree heat.

The annual North Carolina Summer Festival of Heat and Humidity is in full swing. Local residents seem to be enjoying the revelry, which is punctuated by the friendly presence of millions, make that trillions (or Jack’s favorite word for infinity – googleplex) of blood-sucking, disease-carrying mosquitoes.

When I (granted, a card-carrying, tried and true Yankee) mention how hot is it, nearly everyone will say something to the effect of, “yup, it’s hot, but it sure beats those Northern winters.”

Uh, no.

Summer is so oppressive here that is not only uncomfortable to go outside, but unhealthy as well. The heat sucks the life out of you, altering the physical state and damaging emotional dispositions while making for a sticky, sweaty, hard-to-catch-your-breath nightmare.

On the other hand, winters are snowball fights, beautiful, peaceful snowfalls and cozy fires.

Obviously, that is seeing the past through nostalgic, rose-colored glasses, and I am forgetting about icy roads, shoveling endless piles of snow, prolonged temperatures in the teens and the occasional iceball upside the head.

But I think my delicate constitution is just not made for the brutality of the summer heat here. This morning I worked up a pretty good sweat trimming my toenails. I mean, sweat was running down my face and dripping onto the floor. Indoors.

My grandmother, who likewise enjoyed winter but not summer, once said. “you can always put on more clothes, but you can’t always take them off.”

The traditional thing for Yankees to do is to retire to Florida. I may retire to Saskatchewan.

Our summers in PA consisted of several days each month (June-August) of high heat and humidity. We had a box fan in our landing window, which provided cooling in the evening. We did not have any air conditioning, and we never had an air-conditioned car either. But I never felt we really needed it. And I guess my parents felt the same way.

Life here would unbearable without it.

So, today I celebrate the father of cool, the man responsible for the greatest invention of all time. Well, that along with baseball, hoagies, the Marx Brothers, the British Invasion, pizza, the solid-body electric guitar, barbecue, the New York Giants, the bard of Asbury Park and my kids.